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House Move is still progressing and even the Bank Manager is keen: sensible of him though to show enthusiasm and of course hand over the dibs. Not sure he felt he had much choice as Harriet helped during our meeting by finding a rather realistic toy gun in my handbag and alternated between waving it at him threateningly and thoughtfully sucking the end.

School has upped the stakes to code red as we are now on tick alert – Lyme disease rife apparently – so considering using the dog drops on the back of the children’s necks. Moving to the country really is dangerous.

Still have not managed to contain the lice epidemic in year 1 which led to an inauspicious start to my special date with Sam as I spotted unwelcome visitors while we were on the train to London for haircut at smart children’s hairdressers in Kensington. Initially tried to do a stealthy mother gorilla impression but quickly realised that the other inhabitants of the 1st class carriage were beginning to look at us askance so gave up and went to plan B – hitting Boots in Paddington for the dreaded stinky lotion and making for the station lavatories. Having paid 30p each for the privilege of entering this luxurious sanctum of hygiene Sam and I quickly cleared it of all but the most desperate clients with our intense grooming session.

Had not realised, though, that posh children’s barbers go the spray-and-cut route rather than risk the screaming and kicking of the reluctant washee. Had to own up to reason for presenting them with incredibly oily child. Still they were very nice about it.

Another round of mothers’ nights out has laid me low today – explained to the children that I was ‘very tired’ and today was not the day for the saucepan ensemble. Having crawled into bed at 2 and back out of it at 5.30 (woken by horridly unsympathetic husband on way to work) was feeling distinctly unclever. Had entertaining time comparing hangovers and bad behaviour at the school gate – must remember to tell rotten husband that I am a model wife in comparison to others of our number who were in much worse odour with their husbands having variously: locked themselves out, been still too drunk to drive the children to school in the morning, or been sick on the drive. But had lots of fun and made a couple of new friends (inc. Victoria the explorer! Fantastic) so obviously worth it.

In fact have been ridiculously busy recently – half term took its toll – seriously considering booking some lengthy dental treatment so that I can have a nice lie down.