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 1. Give them Foot and Mouth

2. Send their children home with horrid, sticky gundge for a going home present, that whist it might illustrate use of polymers v effectively also demonstrates a remarkable ability to resist all attempt to remove from carpets/car upholstery.

3. Wear a short skirt and make up to new playgroup. This alone would probably do the trick, but followed up with spilling coffee on a child (even if only your own) will effectively consign you to the leper colony.

4. Get mothers so drunk when they turn up to collect their children from playdate that the fathers have to be phoned to collect them and the car! (actually this only makes you unpopular with the fathers).

These are all tried and tested techniques so you can see that I have had a busy and successful week.

hooray for back on the booze following anti-b’s.