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Have lost Rabbit!! And googled Imogen’s medieval day costume rather than made it from a sheet! And sent them off to school in v damp uniform (because craply had washed it that evening then drank too much and forgot to dry it until the morning) With, and this is final nail in coffin, Maltesers for tuck instead of nice healthy snack as recommended by Jamie Oliver and friends. Will soon be stuffing burgers through school gates.

Still – in my defence, it was Sam who was supposed to put the rabbit away AND shut the hutch door. (I just forgot to check). The others have been alternately berating him and comforting themselves that at least we had not yet got round to having him ‘spade’ (Imogen’s term) so he is now free to find a lovely girlfriend and make lots of brown and white babies, which, of course, they fondly dream, Fluffy will come back and show them. (Obviously if he survives the foxes, badgers and CARS that we don’t mention).

Re: Medieval Day, which to those of you who are not fully paid up members of the school gate mafia (yet), is a mere extension of the delights of Elizabethan, Roman, Greek, Egyptian, Literary Character DAY that we have already served in addition to the Nativity requirements involving silver foil and tinsel, Easter Bloody Bonnets and not to mention the School fucking Play costume. I have had enough. So cheated.

Turns out the interweb is brilliant at ‘making’ costumes for all the above at the cost of a mere tenner. With no swearing!! or sticking pins in your offspring!!

Imogen is delighted with her costume although a little concerned that everyone will know we cheated. I plan to be brazen.

Have no excuses for rest of crapness list. This has served as catharsis enough – I wish you all Happy G&T time.

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