Having accidentally taken the Dog’s hay fever medicine I feel I may have been slightly more disorganised and a bit less suave than usual – managed to lose my bra at the swimming pool. In rather a rush, as I was already a bit late for the school pick up, I was left with a choice: going braless or wearing the still-soggy bikini top. Chose the latter but very much wished I hadn’t as I was then stuck with a wet T-shirt look of the breastfeeding kind. Absolutely certain that I looked entirely mad and very fierce racing along with arms tightly folded in an attempt to obscure the two dark circles that were slowly spreading across my chest.
In a fit of organisational zeal I have now wormed the children and de-flea’d the dog – rather hoping that was the right way round but I may, for peace of mind, have to worm the dog and de-louse the children – just in case.
Along with other signs of less than perfect domestic management it has been noted that the Tooth Fairy gets ever more slatternly with each subsequent child.
She was quite good to begin with – usually coming on the right day with only occasional delays due to unexpected peaks in the tooth harvest – after Halloween for instance. By child number 4 however her performance review paints a rather different picture: persistently late, chaotic placement of coins, failure to collect or careless dropping of the toothy merchandise, days lost to strike action, work to rule – no Sunday or bank Holiday service. All in all – very poor. One suspects that she has, far too often, been out on the toot with Santa’s Elves.
And yet again there appears to be a marked difference between the amount of Tax Owed and the amount of Tax Saved For. It turns out that I really should have concentrated harder on those tricky percentage calculation thingies when at school. Bother. So I am off, cap in hand to see the bank manager, this is not without precedent – but he is always very charming! Whilst I am fully aware that tax evasion is BAD I am nonetheless secretly envious of those who manage it.
You are hilarious! Youngest daughter made me promise that the tooth fairy is real yesterday. I’m going to hell x
Thank you. Glad it made you laugh. I got into big trouble re- the big Papa Noel fib (subterfuge due to reading age child! They can’t read french -Yet!)
Oldest was outraged when finally the truth came out -’but YOU LIED’. All v morally dubious.
Have hilarious visions of slovenly looking tooth fairy. Thanks for the laugh.
Thanks Meg. Nearly drew her awaking up in a skip with a traffic cone on her head – but thought better of it!
Very funny post. I wrote elaborate letter in pink glitter pen when my son’s first tooth came out, answering various questions he had posed about her. By the time the second tooth came out I’d forgotten all the answers (name, age, vital statistics) and she fell strangely mute. The tangled web we weave.
Thank you. Glad you liked it.
I heard recently that you can find your Child’s specific Tooth Fairy on line somewhere – Her name, stats etc. The only reason I can think of for finding this info is so that we could Fire Her!
Oh, I’m sooo pleased to hear the tooth fairy has become less conscientious in your house too!! My daughter was furious last week that ‘she’ hadnt been for a week. She knows it’s me really so played the guilt card telling me to mention to the tooth fairy that she needed £2 to reach the total for the thing she’s saving up for…x
That Inflation’s a bitch! Huh
lol hilarious. I love it. Great post and made me smile x
Thank you. That was a nice comment to wake up to.
Tsk! I think they really need better HR skills at that Tooth Fairy sweatshop!
Hummm! Well – the appraisal scheme doesn’t seem to be working! Any other applicants? NOo! Really? Surely someone wants this fabulous job opportunity!
More to the point…what WEREyou doing at the swimming pool in a bikini…you are a very brave and noble Mummy…
It was the ‘so called summer’ at that point! Love your name by the way. Have researched so ‘know who you are!’ Lots of Love. Let’s do that meeting up thing – lunch, or somesuch, soon.